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Welcome to the future. The Silveira Samba XMS is a custom-made jet-ski (they call it a "personal watercraft") that weighs in at just 34 lbs. What's that mean for you? Impossibly hard turns, excitement, and most likely a serious injury somewhere along the way. This topside torpedo is the brainchild of Rod Silveira and Kristen Merck, two beautiful people who do extreme things much better than you can. No price yet, but somewhere between $Ouch and $Prohibitively Expensive sounds about right. (via LikeCool)

Trimmed and laced with Gucci's trademark green and red (because buying anything Gucci is like having Christmas any time you want it), these new boots are a surprisingly low-fashion, high-style design for the Italian brand. The oxford toecap adds a pleasant twist to what would otherwise simply be an overpriced work boot. Now it's overpriced and stylish. They are available at Concepts' Cambridge, MA location now (eStore opening soon). No word on pricing, but using other Gucci footwear as a meter, $400-600 sounds about right. (via Hypebeast)

You've probably never had any reason to stray from Heinz when it comes to ketchup. Why would you? It's delicious, classic, and has an easy-to-use "57" for the ketchup challenged. But just in case you were hankering for a healthier alternative, look to Sir Kensington's Gourmet Scooping Ketchup. In an attempt to get back to the good ol' days when condiments weren't infused with hard-to-pronounce ingredients and things like high fructose corn syrup, Sir Kensington's is a delicious blend of all-natural ingredients. It's also available in a spiced version. Quality costs, though: one for $7, case of 12 for $84. (via Uncrate)

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I've always got my eye out for a great bag I'll never be able to afford, and with this, I've found yet another. From online retailer Blackbird comes the Miller Brewing Salesman Bag, a vintage leather tote that screams refinement and class. While it's not large (16x12x7, about half the storage of your standard roll-on), it's perfect for a daytrip or a light weekend getaway. If you're not in the mood to drop $450 on this, check this real vintage doctors bag that will get you the same thing for only $68. (via The Reference Council)

Graham Withers presents us with these consummate summer ties. Aside from their great design, the wonderful thing about them is that at the moment, they are on sale for $48, so I'd grab them while they last. Pair mindfully with a light summer suit. Be advised, if you find yourself on the corpulent side, avoid these skinny ties, as they'll just create the illusion of more heft. If $48 is too steep (and for a well-made tie, there is no reason it should be), Urban Outfitters has a veritable smorgasbord of ties that will keep you looking your best through the rest of the summer, all for $19. (via FREE/MAN)

Bell & Ross have just released their Vintage Original and Vintage Heritage watches. Typically known for their cockpit-inspired designs, they turned to the archives for these new pieces. Inspired by the watches worn by the flyboys of the 1940's these pieces combine, ruggedness, simplicity, and history to make for a perfect casual wristwatch. For some reason, I can see a true gentleman sporting this at a lakehouse in Maine. Though, it would probably be quite a nice lakehouse, as these watches start around $1500. You can get a "close-enough" Timex for $50 here, though. But it won't last you nearly as long, and you won't feel as awesome wearing it. (via Por Homme)

Another Useless Product

At the urging of my close friend, who I like to call The Matador (for no reason at all), I've decided to talk a bit about a certain kitchenware item that may or may not be necessary. My father is what one might call a purveyor of kitchen utensils. He swears by the Foley fork, a do-everything tool for the kitchen. If you don't have one, get one, if you do, get another and give it to a friend so they have one. Spread the love of the Foley fork. But one thing you won't find in his kitchen are these:

That's right. Onion goggles. My reaction to onions has never been so strong as to require goggles of any kind. Nor do I have a need to look like a superhero or as if I am completing some sort of Tour de France time trial while in the kitchen. I'm a heavy advocate of God's onion goggles--the eyelids. Perhaps you're not familiar with this part of the anatomy (which is the only justification for dropping $20 on a pair of onion goggles). You know how sometimes you close your eyes? Well, your eyelids are what allow that basic function. They also provide a great protective covering against airborne evildoers, such as those produced by onions. So use the eyelids, but make sure you keep your fingers clear from the blade. 

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1930 Art Deco Henderson. Or rather, this is modeled after that bike, but was only made 6 years later by O. Ray Courtney. Apparently Courtney has a knack for incredible. Don't try looking around for a good price on a bike like this--it's a one-off. But if you really want one I am sure you can find someone to make it. Fact: If Batman had been introduced to the world in 1929 instead of 1939, this is what the Batcycle would have looked like. More pictures at the original article, here. (via LikeCool)

Cucumber Sandwich Discus. Martini Mixing Relay. Dandy Umbrella Jousting. Only at The Chap Oympiad. The best of Britains tweeded populace turned out in full chap attire to partake in the important activities listed above, among others. Fleur de Guerre has a more complete summary of the day's events. Looking to update your wardrobe with some iconic throwback items, start by checking out the photos of this epic event. (via The Awesomologist)

Timberland is hitting its stride and with three new offerings, it shows. The new boots afford a classic rugged look while maintaining equal classic elements. The assortment include the above leather chukka, a rigid-looking zip chukka, and a leather/suede oxford that is a bit irresistible, if I may say so myself. Look for these later this year (despite them being tagged as part of the 2011 collection--apparently shoes are like cars). (via Hypebeast)

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It's hard to convince most people that buying high quality denim is worth it. I am wearing a pair of Sevens today and my coworker is sporting some dark-wash Citizens, so we're no strangers to the idea. But not many people are willing to shell out $100 for a pair of jeans. Let alone the $200 or so that some of the better denim will cost you. But if there ever has been an argument, this is it. To celebrate the launch of their new 484 slim-fit raw selvedge denim jeans, J. Crew (who is just nailing it) put together a short series that chronicles the wearing-in of said jeans by 5 different staffers. Denim purists argue that jeans should never be washed (and if they must be, they use products like Dr. Bronner's...or the ocean). The process goes like this: 1) Buy expensive raw denim jeans. 2) Wear as frequently as possible (like, every day) for as long as possible (6 months should do, but you can take it longer) before even thinking about washing them. 3) Enjoy the most comfortable, best fitting jeans you'll ever own. To get a better grasp of denim purism, check out Denim Debate. (via GQ)

Part of me wishes this picture was some 4Chan joke. Some twisted taxidermists idea of utility. Another part of me thinks it's hilarious and brilliant marketing (though still a bit twisted). To make their End of History brew even more spectacular (it's already 55% ABV and costs $650-$900), BrewDog Beer decided to use taxidermied rodents as containers. Unfortunately it looks like this unique brew is sold out, but you can still nab the much less cool Tactical Nuclear Penguin (32%) and Sink the Bismarck! (41%). And they are much cheaper. But they also don't come upholstered in roadkill. So, I guess you can't win 'em all. (via uncrate)

Music and time, together at last! This is the best unconventional use of music since the Keyboard Necktie. Estonian designer Pavel Sidorenko uses crazy high-tech lasers in his design lair to craft these clocks by hand. 27 different designs are available, ranging from the cityscape above to a rhinoceros. They cost between 25 and 33 Euros, or 32-42 American Money Units. Get them here at Pavel's store. (via Core77)

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Ettinger may not be a brand with which you are familiar. I'll be honest: I wasn't until a day or so ago. But I can't help but lust over just about everything they have to offer at their online store. How do I know it's good? The Royal Warrant from the Prince of Wales and a collaboration with Bentley were all it took to convince me. And if you take a look at their collections, that should be enough, too. Aside from the cutting of some of the leathers, everything is handmade in England, a job at which it takes 4-5 years to become a pro. For more on this amazing company, check out the interview with the owner, Robert Ettinger, at Men's Flair.

You're welcome. This cover shoot for Complex was done in May. Now, our friend Lindsay has had a tough couple of months, and the road ahead doesn't look much easier. But what you can't deny is that she is looking damn fine in this shot (and in the whole photo shoot, for that matter). She may have a train wreck of a life and look like shit when she's in court...but she cleans up nice.

We've all been there. Packing for a trip, or perhaps to come home, maybe you don't have the room for some item. Maybe you know you're going to need an extra bag for all the stuff you're going to buy your friends. You're supposed to carry on an empty bag? Hell no. Flight 001 has you covered like a jimmy hat. Whether it be a bag that seals tight to keep your wet trunks separate from your dry button downs, or a toiletry bag, these guys have the solution to all of your traveling conundrums. (via Cool Hunting)

Another Useless Product

I am not a person who has the experience or authority to expound upon the virtues of physical activity versus general couch potatodom. Or, perhaps I am, as I am somewhat of  an expert on the latter. As such, there are things even the lazy gawk at in disbelief. This is one of those things. I will say that this is not a retail item yet, so with this post, I hope to preempt its production.

Yes. That's a motorized shoe. Apparently we've become so lazy that walking--the mere movement of our legs and feet towards another place--is too much for us. These things are next in a line started by Heelys, the hybrid abomination of roller skates and shoes.  According to the people at Treadway, these innovations in mobility/ambulatory incompetence are meant for those distances that are "too far to walk and too short to drive." I suppose if you deny the existence of the bicycle and other non-motorized, wheeled modes transportation, then the concept is bulletproof. To boot, there are videos (viewable here) that demonstrate the apparent brilliance of this product. If your office space happens to be a design studio for pretentious douchebags, you can use these indoors. Otherwise you'll be restricted to being ridiculed by the public outside of your home/office/obesity lair. I assume that in the end, these will be used by fat people looking to get to the McDonald's before it closes. (via desingboom)

Quickies: SmartCrutches

I've been lucky enough to never need to use crutches. Though I've had many friends whose skeletal structure is far more fragile than mine, making them prone to silly breaks in their bones. And I've heard that the crutches necessary are outrageously uncomfortable. Thank god, then, for SmartCrutches.

You may be confused. Those are, in fact, crutches--not power tools with extenders attached. Rumor [read: marketing done by the people at SmartCrutch] has it that these things are the best thing to happen to cripples since not being crippled. Here are some features I don't really understand, but seem important and groundbreaking: rotating arms that allow for multiple angles; increased surface area which reduces pressure; and ergonomically designed grips. What more could you ask for? Oh...right...not being a gimp. Well, maybe don't try to jump that 20 set on your Kids 'R' Us skateboard. Dumbass. (via LikeCool)

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I can't speak to the utility of this classic item for the modern business man. I just don't think it's practical or becoming of a businessman to tote around a steel thermos and cooler. Though if you're one of those trendy types who likes to spice life (and work) up with an unexpected item, this may be it. The sturdy thermos and cooler may be more fitting for a construction worker, but it'll also work wonders for a day trip to the mountains (or wherever you may choose to go on your adventurous day trips). Grab it here for $65. (via LikeCool)

You're probably already excited about this product just by looking at it. An arcade game you can put in your already trendy home without messing up the stylish decor. French designer Fred Pinel has revamped the classic 80's arcade game for a modern look with all the fun of the original. Games include Pac-Man and Space Invaders, among the 60 available. Starting around $14,000, these aren't cheap, but let's be honest...if these match the aesthetic of your living situation, you've probably got the money. These bad boys come with 1080p display and hi-def sound. (via uncrate)

Red pants, indeed, my friends. Red pants, indeed. These red selvedge jeans from RRL will add much needed variety and color to your wardrobe. I'd recommend pairing it with that new chambray shirt you should have picked up by now. Regardless of the outfit, unless you're extremely bold, this should be the brightest thing you have on. Only available at RRL retail locations: Malibu and New York City (2). (via Jake Davis)

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I won't make it a habit to post music on here. It's not my place to tell what is or isn't good. And it's far less my place toe tell you what you should or should not listen to. You need to make that decision on your own (Pitchfork is not a music guide, its a festering pile of pretentious shit). But I really couldn't help posting this video. Lup eFiasco is and always has been fairly brilliant when it comes to lyrics. Even in the first verse of the above song, "I'm Beaming", he sings "I get my energy/from my inner G./I'm in outer space/but I got inner peace." Take a listen (via The Urban Gent)

Turns out Arthur Ashe wasn't just good at tennis. Look at that coordination. The guy nailed it. And the gold watch is pretty damn brilliant too. You can match the look by heading over to Nerd Boyfriend.

 I'm no huge proponent of clunky footwear except when necessary. But there is something about the  Fitzsimmons from Native Shoes that just works. These are marketed as hiking boots, which is interesting considering the last thing I would want to do is get them dirty. They come in 8 colors, so you can't really go wrong. Keep an eye out around the web, though, as these have yet to drop. (via SLAMXHYPE)

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There was a time (and some men can still pull it off, but very few without looking like a complete tool), when all it took to look amazing was a great pair of jeans and a solid white tee. You get your hair going right and you were unstoppable. Jonas Begstrand celebrates icons like Marlon Brando (who epitomized this look) and others in this brief series. The pieces are muddled with hundreds of others, but most of them are worth a look. So take your time and enjoy the view. (via LikeCool)

You can click the link for the Wrangler Blue Bell Autumn/Winter collection. It's really just a dandy collection. But I don't really care if you hit the link or not. What actually caught my eye here was the escalator behind the model. How beautiful is that? It's wood. Or at least some elegant veneer. Location scout win. (via Selectism)

How much do you hate Tyler Perry? I wish Madea went to the dark hellhole from whence she came and never, ever returned. Can that be his next, and last movie? If you're on board with me, you're also on board with the likes of John Landis, Edgar Wright, Judd Apatow, Todd Phillips, and Adam McKay. The funnymen sat down with GQ and all agreed (through silence, for the most part) that Tyler Perry was no good. Rubbish, even. It's at the bottom of this page.

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Things Is Cool posted this photo of Waris Ahluwalia as part of their Amazing Beards series. I will put forth no such argument asserting that Mr. Ahluwalia (close friend of Wes Anderson--you can catch him in Darjeeling Limited and The Life Aquatic--and jewelry designer--stocked by the likes of Barney's and Dover Street Market) is not the proud grower and owner of a tremendous beard. What I do want to point out here, actually, is his amazingly stuffed pocket square. It seems effortless--exactly what you want with the kind of casual suit he is wearing--and even goes as far to resemble an iris. Simply perfect. (via Things Is Cool)

I am no huge fan of casual black shoes. But these adidas Summer Deck shoes do something for me. I think it's the lining. It's that "this is for me" aesthetic, where you're the only one who really knows. And every once in a while a passerby will get a peak at just a sliver and be left wondering. There's something about that that appeals to me. What's that? They're only $60? Sign me up. (via Hypebeast)

I couldn't pass this one up. Even though I am by no means a fan of sporting events in the America region, this was just too good. Now, if you are from Cleveland, then you were likely crying long before LeBron even showed up. But now that he's gone, you've really been left empty handed. Let him--and the world--know how you feel about his dynastic move to Miami.  $26 dollars right here. (via Uncrate)

Another Useless Product

There's a time for everything. Or so the saying goes. That saying may be the rule, where the items I put forth as useless are the exceptions. And be sure to understand: by useless I do not mean without utility, but rather that there is no real need for the product. Perhaps "needless" would have been a better word choice. But we're too far in, now, and "useless" is more demeaning. So without further ado, here is the latest useless product.

Naked and Famous Denim, makers of fine jeans and a few other choice items (their bare-bones ThickBelt is quite appealing), have taken a ride down Useless Lane on their Adventure Trikes! Don't get too excited. You know that Bic lighter you spent $1.99 on at the 7-Eleven because your boy Jones had "some of the illest nugs he'd ever scored"? Yeah, well now apparently you need a leather case for that. $2 dollar product, $40 leather case; that makes sense. I can understand investing in something to protect your custom-made Zippo (the one your ladyfriend got you after that perfect roadtrip to Sedona that says "Two Spirits Made One: Jack and Tina Forever, Sedona 2005"). You gotta keep that in top shape--Zippos cost. But a Bic lighter? Come on! On another note: the wallet and cardholder seem fine. You're allowed to get them. (via Hypebeast)

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Chambray swim trunks? You betcha! Surf shop Katin and label-cum-activists Apolis Activism have teamed up for what I would call a brilliant set of swimwear. These fall into the category of adult swimwear I was speaking about way back when. The three button fly, challsic material and subtle style notes make them an easy choice for both the beach and the boardwalk. Grab them at Apolis' store for $108. (via Hypebeast)

Classy meets casual with Patrik Ervell's latest. This slim-fit shawl collar cardigan is just an amazing piece. I'm not huge on the color, but I've never been huge on it, as it tends to wash my already extreme whiteness out a bit. If this came in navy, I don't know if I'd be able to hold back. Obviously not the best idea to be wearing in these humid summer days, but part of buying is thinking ahead. The savvy man shipping for Winter, shops in the Summer. It's sold out right now, but one can dream for a restock. (via Selectism)

Red Wing makes some damn fine shoes. Damn fine, indeed. And I hope this is just a bad shot or poor presentation, because I generally find myself liking what they have to offer (though it's often just a bit too clunky). The item above, from their showing at Bread and Butter Berlin, looks like dress shoes for a clown. Again, what I am hoping is that the laces are tied too tight making the upper half of the shoe seem smaller than it really is. What I am not hoping for is the beginnng of a new clown shoe trend in fashion. (via Selectism)

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Think that's a shot from the new Tron: Legacy film? Thinkfail on you. That's an honest-to-God lightcycle. The gents at Parker Brothers Choppers have decided to manufacture (at request and payment of $35,000), a street legal version of the unmistakable cycle from one of the greatest programmer-turned-action-hero-inside-a-computer movies ever. Grab it on eBay. Make sure to check the links on this one. (via Autoblog)

Shawl collar cardigans add an extra bit of elegance and style that you just don't get with those flat-collared ones J. Crew is offering this linen-cotton toggle cardigan up as a summer item, but you'll get use from it year round, which is what makes it truly great. And at only $98, it's a steal. Grab it here. Right now. (via Prepidemic)

I am a supporter of pretty much anything gingham (which derives from the Malay word ging-gang, meaning striped--but you knew that). I just can't help myself. Macro-, micro-, whatever. Count me in. I'm also a huge fan of Rugby, Ralph Lauren's too-cool-for-school prepster brand (despite it's conspicuous absence from my wardrobe). So put the two together and I'm there. Add to it a superb deal ($40/ea.) and the deal gets even sweeter. (via Sartorially Inclined)

Unacceptable

I've never been a  fan of mechanical pencils. I press too hard when I write so the lead always breaks. They do have some of the best erasers in the game (the writing utensil game, that is), but those, too, are flimsy and subject to fly out if pressed too hard. I've also never known anyone who has ever owned a mechanical pencil that's worked for over a few months time. That's just a few reasons why this is just ridiculous.

You're looking at the Tombow Zoom 505sh. This is a $30.00 mechanical pencil. Now, I understand having a "good" pen. Maybe not dropping the money for a Mont Blanc, but something sturdy, reliable, classy. I could understand spending about $50-$100 on a really nice pen. Especially as a gift. But a mechanical pencil? The price ceiling for these things should be $3.50, and thats for a dozen. Children use mechanical pencils. Adults use pens. Try signing something at the office with a goddamn pencil. You'll get laughed at. You know what message you send when you use a mechanical pencil? "I make simple mistakes somewhat regularly." You know what message you send when you buy and use a $30 mechanical pencil? "I'm desperately trying to hide the fact that I make simple mistakes somewhat regularly." Spending $30 on a mechanical pencil (one the doesn't even break the top five, according to this guy's mechanical pencil blog--no joke), is, as I love to say, unacceptable. (via Selectism, who, in a momentary lapse of reason, deemed this worthy of praise)

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Damn. I've seen some nice boat shoes. But damn. Well done, Quoddy. These are some of the best looking boat shoes I've ever seen, hands down. And with the Quoddy name, you know they are going to feel great, too. The price is pretty high ($220). I went looking for boat shoes today and came across these on sale at Nordstrom's for $90 and couldn't help myself. I guess the boat shoes will have to wait. These are available at Leffot. (via Start with Typewriters).

Paper plus gamer plus art equals awesome. This is the QED for that statement. DeviantArt phenom TouchFuzzyGetDizzy demonstrates his geekdom and skills in papercraft with this awesome piece of the Mario Twins (if you weren't aware of who it was, leave now, thanks). (via LikeCool)

Norse Projects, a label that is always solid, brings us this classic raincoat as part of their Spring/Summer 2011 collection. There's something nostalgic about a yellow raincoat. An unlikely blend of a happy childhood spent frolicking in the rain and the ruggedness of fishermen. I have a friend who has a one not too far off from the one above. But undoubtedly this one is nicer and will cost much more (probably around $200) when it drops for S/S 2011. (via Selectism)

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Right? I mean...RIGHT? Effects Wizard Pete Mander threw this epic 7-foot Elite costume together for funsies. This think is amazing. Not too sure about maneuverability, but I don't think it's very critical to the awesome that is going on here. On a related note, do you remember all those awesome Master Chief costumes? Neither do I. But this guy, his cameraman and a dog have a GREAT tutorial on how to put one on. Apparently balance is critical. On the other hand, here is a brief tutorial for the Elite costume: Be awesome, climb ladder, put on top half, be awesome. (Elite costume via LikeCool)

Straight from the man himself, Alan Flusser (known to no one as "No Fuss Flusser"), Style & the Man is a guide to style...and the man. Most such books drone on about the styles of the day, rules that don't always hold true (but the others treat as divine edicts), and personal opinions. This is no such book. This is a No Fuss Flusser at his best, giving the skinny on men's style. (via Getting Beat Like You Stole Something)

Furniture + Sound = FurniSound. Or speaker furniture. Whatever. What is true is that this is a practical item. You've got rustic looking furniture, with built in quality sound, including an iPod dock? I'm there. Korean designer Yu Kwang Soo created the above piece for his "Box Project". So, as with so many awesome things, you will probably never get your hands on one unless you know the designer or build it yourself. (via designboom)

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L.L. Bean continues to impress with a new selvedge (that's basically style-talk for "quality") denim series. Following the recent release of their impeccably put together Signature Collection, the 1912 Selvedge Denim line will bring quality denim to L.L. Bean locations across the nation, for about $80 a pop. That's right, it's only available in stores. Which is great because there is one right next to where I work. (via Sartorially Inclined)

Photographer Matt Hoyle present us with a look at some of the faces--some of the most interesting you'll see--from the world of carnivals. His collection, "Barnumville", has all the classics: sword swallower, twins, cross-eyed girl. Quite an amazing series of shots. And be sure to check out his other sets, too.

I hate Skechers. I always have. No one needs a sole thicker than the shoe itself. That's ridiculous. Then they try and drop these Shape-ups on us? Who buys this shit? Soon, the answer may be no one. Science took up with the anti-Skecher camp recently, citing that not only do they not really work, but they can actually hurt you. God willing, this is the beginning of the end for the pseudo-style clog-producing Skecher brand. (via GQ)