Thursday, June 10, 2010

Another Useless Product

Yes, it says "Artisinal Pencil Sharpening." This is not, unfortunately a joke. David Rees has continued a tradition that includes bottled water and internet-ordered ice: providing a service no one actually needs. And sucking the money from the saps who fall for it. Don't be mistaken. This is not a guy who will carve your pencil into an ornate piece of wood by way of whittling or crafty woodworking. Mr. Rees is merely presenting you with the opportunity to pay him $12.50 per fucking pencil to let him do the sharpening for you. 

This is a perfect service for the fat kid who sits at the side of class opposite the pencil sharpener. Aside from that, its pretty much useless. As Rees told Details, "I'm going to have an authentic, honest-to-God encounter with your pencil...I want to get these things fucking sharp as shit. And when you get it back, you're like, 'Whoa. It's actually vaguely menacing how sharp this thing is." Frankly, sharpening a pencil was something I used to savor: getting up in class, emptying the shavings, finding the right size hole, feeling the smooth churn of the sharpener as it ground the tip of your pencil to a fine point. Sharpening the pencil was a love affair int he middle of class. So, instead of sending your pencils to this conman, bring back the magic of your schoolboy days here. Thanks Staples.

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